hey.
err...
i guess it was too good to be true?
i've been on this consistent "boys get away from me", sexually flat dead, hormanones on mute but during the game on saturday i had a 2 second fantasy. then last night i had a somewhat sexual dream and today's nap as well. ugh.
i've been cursing for the past two days, today i cursed infront of people.
and i felt that hornyness on the rise.
honestly i am just sick of everything. i'm sick on my life. i dont see the point in masturbation honestly. and i dont want to do anything with no guy cuz i dont want to hurt myself, it's not worth it and i am more valuable than that.
how do other girls do it? how are other people not so sexual? like i've lived this way my entire life. Before i was scared of the thought of letting those spirits back in my life, now i'm just mad. cuz i cant do it anymore, i cant go back to that way of life, i am mad at the devil. i wont give him that satisfaction.
God i'm being tempted. i am not perfect i dont know if i ever will be good enough or consistent enough to be a praise dancer or whatever else you have for me. i've felt a love for you i have not felt before in these past months. God this world wants to tear me from you. doubts enter my mind, but i will have no part with them. Jesus i love you, i trust you, you are my ONLY everything. i put me in your hands and at the feet of your cross.
i surrender
-Your daughter
fml - November 06, 2009
Burnt out - November 06, 2009
take over - October 30, 2009
sick of home - October 29, 2009
Good Morning! - October 27, 2009