okay im gonna be absent from my morning class and go to my second class.
there a a few entries on this diary about my father and their pretty much all negative. i dont remember everything he's done to cause those countless times where i have gone to my room shut the door and cried my eyes out. i remember saying that i had no father and God is my only father. and stuff. and recently i decided to forgive him and kind of realized that i was wrong for being mad at him and i kind of hurt him him when i told him casually that i didnt have a good relationship with him.
maybe i am being dramatic. but the last 3 or 4 times i have had said anything to him he cuts me off and says "im missing this" like he's watching tv or into his computer or something like that and that is more important that whatever i have to say right? and then thats when i remember why i resented him for so many years.
its hurtful. when he talks he expects everyone to listen. he starts talking when im watching tv and if i dont listen he shuts off the tv. so i pause it, or put it on mute. yes very recently i was watchig a show on the tv in our room that doesnt have the dvr box so i couldnt pause it, and i put it on mute and listened to him. but that is never the case with him. he always puts his computer before me. and his tv.
if someone does that once okay, but hes been doing it all my life. and every single little thing he does which involves making me feel that i am less important than a television or computer, it hurts. it hurts.
not to mention how irrational he is. theres just so many reasons why i dont like him. i cant even name them all you'd have to watch my life and see to understand.
i kind of want to wear something other than black on fathers day for once.
God calls me to love him...
sigh..
it was easier when i didnt love him, cuz i didnt get hurt anymore by him. i had lost all hope trust or expectations for him then.
My children will know their father loves them and they will hear it and see it in action.
the flip side - November 14, 2009
Python - November 12, 2009
manny <3 - November 12, 2009
I just wanted to tell you....i like you too - November 10, 2009
reported - November 06, 2009